Forgiveness Tea

Forgiveness: the one thing everyone wants but are reluctant to give. Why is that? Why do we feel like we’re owed forgiveness, but we don’t owe forgiveness? Is it because we want people to see the good in us and understand that we are humans and make mistakes? Could it be that some mistakes are too great to forgive? I am relatively quick to forgive, almost to a fault. Here’s the thing, I forgive, but I NEVER FORGET. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the pain disappears or that the situation instantly gets better… No such luck! What it does mean, is that you’ll able to move forward knowing that you’ve done your part in forgiving the person for their transgression against you. Forgiveness is the catalyst for inner peace!

Forgiveness in my marriage hasn’t always been easy, but once I looked at my misdeeds, and knowing I wanted forgiveness, how dare I not forgive my husband? Was it easy? Not in the least bit. I never would’ve thought I’d be in a situation like this where I would have to forgive something so huge, but here I am. No sin is greater than the next right? So, while my infidelity didn’t produce children, at the end of the day I was unfaithful to my husband. It’s easy to point fingers and say, “If you didn’t do it first, then I wouldn’t have done it”. Which is true in my case, however, does that make it right? No, (no matter how bad I wish it did). Knowing that I did it out of retaliation didn’t make my husband feel better about it, though he understood why I did, it still hurt him to his core, which in turn hurt me to my core.

No matter what he did to me, I was still disappointed and hard on myself for allowing a person/situation to take me out of my character. I needed him to forgive me, but more importantly I needed to forgive myself. We are human, just mearly flesh and bones. Not one of us is perfect, mistakes will happen, it’s all in how you handle your mistakes and the mistakes done to you. Will you forgive? Would you want to be forgiven?

I have chosen to forgive my husband for his affair. I have chosen to accept his children outside of our marriage. I have chosen to love him and uplift him through all of this. My reasoning for forgiving him is quite simple, I had also had an affair. How dare I not at least attempt to forgive him, knowing I wanted forgiveness. He has chosen to forgive my affair. He has chosen to see me for who I am and not what I did. We are in a much better place now because we have decided to see each other as two imperfect people who made mistakes. We have chosen to forgive and repair what is in our power to do. Whatever isn’t in our power, we’re giving it to God to fix.

The peace that God has granted me through all of this is unbelievable. I know my decision to fight for my marriage may be controversial, but take it from me, don’t ever say what you won’t do. Some will say “well look where forgiveness got you”. And to a certain degree you’re right, but lessons learned along this journey have been life changing. I don’t know if I’d be where I am spiritually and personally without this happening. Believe it or not, the relationship between my husband and I has improved drastically. We both now know where we went wrong early in our relationship/marriage: #1 We didn’t include the Lord. We are nothing without His help. #2 We didn’t change much about our marriage when things got bad. We moved along like it would fix itself, nothing fixes itself! You must put in the work to change what needs to be changed.

Understand that this isn't easy for me at all. I still wake up some mornings wondering how this became my life. What did I do to deserve this? I did nothing... It's called life and it truly sucks sometimes. It comes down to two questions: Will you be a victim of life and its circumstances or will you be a survivor of life? I have chosen to be a survivor. I will take my moments of self-pity and ugly crying, then I put on my "big girl panties" and declare I AM A SURVIVOR! Life will not take me out! Who knows how our story will end, I just know that I've done my part in forgiving and for that I will be rewarded in some way, shape, or form.

Forgiveness may take a lot to do (especially depending on the circumstances), but it can also be rewarding. Closure, peace, healing, understanding, and open communication are all byproducts of forgiveness. It won't always be easy, but it'll be worth it. Life is too short to stay bitter, sis!