Patience Tea

Patience is one of those things that many of us pray for. How long after you said that prayer did something happen in your life that required the patience of Job? (a saying in the Christian church) I must say that patience is not something that I remember praying for, but yet I find myself in need of it right now. In figuring out my life and next steps right now patience is key. I’m on the fence trying to determine if I continue to fight and stand for my marriage or should I file for divorce? I can honestly say I don’t know which way to go. In my one on one time with God I have never heard Him tell me to leave my marriage, but at the same time how much longer do/should I wait? It is my desire to be obedient to the Lord’s will for my life, so I’ll continue to wait patiently as He continues to move in the background.

What do I do in the meantime? There have been times when I wished that I had the balls to leave when I first found out about the ongoing affair and children. I questioned myself on several occasions why I have allowed myself to be put through unnecessary pain. But what if I wasn’t patient? What if I walked away from my marriage almost a year ago? My spiritual life would have grown like it has, I wouldn’t have the strength that I have now, I wouldn’t have gotten to know myself in the way that I know myself now, and most importantly, I wouldn’t be sharing my unbearable truths with you. While being patient can absolutely suck in the moment, if you really think about it, a lot of goodness can come out of it.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in this period. One thing that has helped me is starting T’s Truth. Having the ability to share my story with the hope to help others has given me something to focus on, it’s given me some peace in my storm. Journaling has also proved helpful for me. Most evenings once my mommy duties have calmed down, I sit in my bed and literally write my prayers. I do this for two reasons, #1 There’s a Bible verse that says, “write the vision, make it plain.” Habakkuk 2:2 #2 Writing my prayers allows me to really focus on what I’m saying to God and in my opinion allows me to spend quality time focusing on Him and His goodness, grace and mercy towards me. I also like to go back to read what I’ve written and to see just how far God has brought me in this season of my life.

Having patience requires practice, but once it’s figured out and accomplished life can be sweet and less stressful! As it’s said, patience is a virtue!