Relationship Tea

So... I know I spilled a lot of my tea last post. It’s taken me two weeks to really grasp the fact that I actually did that. It’s crazy because when it was placed on my heart to start a blog, I did it with the thought of doing just what I did, sharing my story with the intention to help someone else, but once it was out there, I was terrified. What are people going to think? Will people judge me or my husband? Will people only tune in weekly to sip some of my personal tea? Will people hate/ridicule my husband (I have a strong feeling of protection around this one in particular). But like we discussed last post, it’s my “responsibil -a tea” to share my story to help others, no matter how uncomfortable. I know I’ll be richly blessed for being a blessing to others with my truth!

The word relationship makes some people go running for the hills. Its automatically assumed that you’re talking something super serious that requires a lot of work. Relationships have a bad reputation, but they really shouldn’t. I have plenty of relationships outside of my familial relationships. Friends, co-workers, families/children that I work with, neighbors, etc. While some may be closer than others, they are no less a relationship in which me and other person/people are connected in some way, shape, or form.

I consider myself one that thrives in relationships. For the most part I’ve had pretty good experiences with them. Due to my non-confrontational thinking, if the relationship no longer suites me, I’ll let it go. I’m not ugly with it or anything, I just move on. There are other relationships where a natural progression of life may happen and communication stops for one reason or another, then I’ll feel an urge to reach out to the person. Then there are the relationships like my marriage, where I’m going to fight to protect and preserve what the relationship is or has the possibility to be. One thing I have discovered is that relationships can’t be successful with just one person participating. Whether it be with your best friend, family member, or spouse, you must give just as much as you take. You must put into it what you want to get out of it.

Now there are times when you do all the right things (or what you think is right) and things still don’t turn out the way you want. This is where communication comes into play. I will admit that early in my marriage my husband and I did communicate! But there’s that part in communication where you must listen. We both talked, but I now I know I didn’t listen. My husband tried to tell me he wasn’t happy, he tried to tell me what he would like to see improve. Did I hear him, yeah, I heard him, but I didn’t really hear him? My thinking at the time was he’s my husband, he’s not going anywhere, he loves me, we’ll make it work. Clearly, I was wrong. I was wrong in so many ways, but the main way was to think that off of the strength of who I was, that my husband would be faithful to me. I thought I was “too good” for an affair to touch my marriage. I was in my fairytale, where Prince Charming was madly in love and would never do anything to hurt or destroy our family. This kind of thinking is what contributed to the eventual affairs and overall break down of communication in my marriage. No, I’m not saying that I deserved to be cheated on, but what I am saying is that I was not totally blameless in what pushed my husband to seek his needs elsewhere.

Relationships take a lot of work, time, dedication, and most of all, trust. I can say that in my experience, while some things were hard for me to hear and especially hard for me to accept, I am appreciative of the lessons learned. In all of the incredibly hard times, hurt, and pain that my marriage has endured, we are still hanging on (albeit by a thread) and I know that’s because we have started doing the work it takes to be united as one. We have both been diligent in seeking the Lord for guidance as individuals and at sometimes as a couple. We have had those hard conversations and moments of truth, where I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I am so much stronger and respect my husband so much more because he told me the hard truths that anyone would have hard time admitting to themselves, let alone their spouse. And if I must tell my truth yet again, I denied my affair until I couldn’t anymore, until he outright said he knew. It was easier for me to paint him as the main reason for our marital discord, vs. taking responsibility for my own actions and admitting to him and myself that I was no better than he was.

Relationships, no matter with who must be open, honest, and kind. I always state the “Golden Rule” to my children, “Treat others the way you want to be treated”. For me that’s in every aspect of life. I feel like a lot of the things that have happened in my life, especially of late, is nothing more than karma coming back to bite me. Yes, I have repented and asked God for forgiveness and have no intention of ever going down the path of infidelity again in my life. Sis.. you can put Michael B Jordan in my face right now and I promise you, I ain’t even flinching. I am so determined to do right and be what I know God called me to be. In order for me to walk in my purpose I have to live in a way conducive to positivity and truth.

We all need relationships, but how we interact with those in which we are in said relationships determine the outcome of that relationship. What’s your relationship tea sis? How do you navigate being connected with others?